THE "F" WORD, GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE?

I use the "F" word liberally. I don't like to. I don't like the way it sounds but on the other hand nothing is as satisfying as a good "F". Even that is a great sentence. Country Joe McDonald had it right, it is very liberating to yell "F".

Those of you who have been paying attention know that I am experiencing two very stressful agendas. Seeing to it that my parents are being well cared for, have everything they need, cleaning out their house and managing their money. That's one thing.

The other is of course the F*ing bathroom. Don't get me wrong. I love the bathroom. I think it is going to be beautiful and hopefully that will help ease the pain of the expense I never dreamed I would incur during this process. I budgeted a HUGE amount of money, at least it is to me, and the bathroom has more than doubled that amount. I have the F*ing Taj Mahal of bathrooms. I have answered more questions about things I have no knowledge of than I ever dreamed possible. That is why I hired experts. F*ing experts need to discuss every F*ing single detail of every F*ing single process to build a room.

Over the course of the 7 week remodel I have strung together some lovely sentences that are similar to, (please look away if you are easily offended), "FUCK, this is the most fucked up thing, it's a fucked, stupid fuck of a fucking thing, mother fucker". It was at this point my husband, who never loses his temper, advised me he would be leaving and not coming back if I said the word "FUCK" one more time.

I told him that saying "FUCK" is probably not legal grounds for divorce but that I totally understood that I could find a better word that is less grating. Unfortunately the "F" word is a habit. I can't get through a day with saying "F!". Sometimes it's a good, "F" Yeah! Sometimes it is just, "well, "F".

Hope we don't have to test this theory in court. Although it would be rather interesting to hear attorneys wrapping their legal jargon around the "F" word. "Your honor, it is unreasonable to expect the plaintive to live with the respondent saying, "F", all the time". Of course I would be representing myself since attorney fees are something for the wealthy: "Well fuck me, your honor, I object. I am a fucking joy to live with. I do the best I fucking can. I believe this entire proceeding is fucked-up."

Pretty mouth. I see his point.

I came up with a new work, "fuckityfuck". It sounds less hateful and not quite as threatening but husband says it is still a form of the word. That is hard to argue with. But I just can't find another word that expresses the complete fed-uppedness with all the stresses in my life. I need to have a well placed "F" to express myself.

Maybe I should just stick with "F". Or F-ettyF.  Or F-etty,

"F" me,
Lillybell Blues