One Tuesday night Elsie was out and I was at home trying to sleep. I would sleep at any hour I was blessed with it and this night I was on the sofa. Around 9:30 the pone rang and woke me up. "Here'thedealI'llbehomedirectlyleavingsoonseeya". Great. I went to the bedroom knowing he was likely to come home and play the stereo slightly louder than a B-52 taking off. Finally drifted back to sleep when the phone rang.
"ReallyIamleavingrightnowIwillbetheresoon". Whatever.
Tried to sleep and couldn't. Got up and turned on the television and watched something boring hoping it would bore me to sleep. Phone rang. "Here'sthedealIstoppedbyBub'sandtherearepeopleherebutIwillbetheredirectly".
"Please, don't", I said. "Don't call back and don't come home. I need some sleep and now I will have to get up in about two and a half hours so please just leave me alone". Phone rings. "Youmad?", he said like I was having an issue. I hung up. No sleep now. Now my blood was boiling. I was going to kill something and eat it raw. Phone rings. I unplugged it.
The hell with it. I got up and showered, did hair and make up, got dressed in my power suit and high heels.
Got my briefcase. Left my husband a note. Something like."FUCK YOU, DO NOT CALL ME WHEN I AM SLEEPING AND YOU ARE DRUNK. Love, Lillybell".
I got in my car and headed out of the the driveway to go to work. I would be there real early today. I could get so much accomplished before the whiners started calling and lining up at my desk. I was thoroughly planning my day when I pulled into The Lead Bub's driveway. I pounded on the door. The double the fist and beat on the door until your hand is bruised and tingles for the rest of the day door pound. There was music and laughter on the other side. Then silence. Then the sound of many people hoovering up the cocaine. "Cops", I heard The Lead Bub say. "Mywife" slurred Elsie. The door opened. "He'llberightouthewasjustheadinghome". "No". I stepped past him and strode into the den of inequity.
Drunks and coke heads and a chippie or two. I started pacing back and forth and explained to each and everyone of them why they were the lowest form of life. I loudly expressed my displeasure with the owner of the party house and told him maybe he should get a job so he wouldn't lose his house, (he did). I advised others that living with mommy and daddy was really not appealing to the hot babes they want so much so maybe they should, you know, get off their fat, drunk, lazy asses and find work or panhandle. I went on to explain how I really never wanted any of them in my house ever again. They were welcome to keep Elsie. He was worthless anyway. At the point I almost left. One of the chippies was almost crying and curling up closer to a bub. I told her her night's honey was married AND I would call his wife as soon as I got to work.
You know that song, "I don't want to spoil the party so I'll go"? Mine was more like, "I just want to ruin the party so I'll stay". I flung a few more insults and personal digs before taking my leave.
Insomnia makes you do crazy things. I was tired of other people's drinking problems. I barely drank and alcohol had made my life miserable more than once. I thought about a one woman intervention. I figured it had all the chances of a snowball surviving hell. I decided I would ask Elsie to choose. Me or the lifestyle of a drunk. Pretty sure I knew the answer.
I started preparing myself mentally for the inevitable.
Hello pit.
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