I had one little surprise waiting for me that no one had mentioned and for a short period of time was fun. Apparently the last three or four estrogen hormone molecules in me had decided that I deserved boobs. Not BOOBS, boobs. Actually, I was gaining my menopause weight which in my case was a good thing. I was thin, skinny really for a large part of my life and now I looked shapely. Suddenly every man I came into contact wanted to be my very best naked friend. People's husbands and boyfriends suddenly made the most bizarre propositions to me. One dude decided that it was OK to walk up behind me and grab my newly grown boobs. "How would you like monkey hands?" I smiled at him. "What?" "Touch me again and I will cut off your thumbs. Monkey hands".
When I was 16 or 17 I asked Ringo, "Do you think I'm pretty?" "Not really pretty. I think you are very cute. You are one of those girls who will be beautiful when she's 30". Maybe that had happened. NO, I think newly barren, can't get pregnant, just grew tits, sad girl had much more to do with it.
One man, the tall cowboy from the hospital, and I had gone to junior high, high school and for a brief time the same church. He never knew my name. He was one of the IT guys. He was still gorgeous, funny, big, sexy, and now alcoholic, decided that I was going to be his woman. Every time I sang anywhere sent me a flower corsage to wear in my hair ala Billie Holliday. Bart wanted us to still be us. Elsie was trying hard to be perfect. I was completely confused.
I started my little job at Xerox. I will cover that in the next chapter. "This is how they run a corporation?". The office was crawling with sales reps. One of the requirements to be a sales rep is to have an ego that will barely fit in the elevator. Male sales reps have a "hall pass" on morality. Cheating on your wife or girlfriend was a given. Many reps wanted to get to know the "new girl". I learned that sales reps thought they were somehow showing you great respect by letting you know they were available for a nooner. One of the reps had a great story about how he convinced his wife to go get shots without telling her he had given her "the clap". I was already rather fed up with the male species.
But there was that baby thing. BABY screamed in my head every day. Baby meant man. I could see myself, maybe by the age of 60, finally being one of those single women who flies half way around the world to select one from column A and two from column B Chinese babies. I wanted to be a mother NOW, yesterday, soon. It ate me inside and out.
Now I was questioning what on earth was wrong with MEN. Menopause was hanging on. I made a new term for hot flash. The inside sear. Surely I would never be ill again as all the germs and bacteria inside my body must be toast.
I was ready to change my life. I was going to be a Corporate Goddess or small Deity.
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