The most relief I got from my stress was spending time with Shaneequa and Bubba. We could kvetch and laugh about everything. One morning Bubba was having a bad day, talking about how tragic his childhood was, (it was), and how it always hurt his feelings when his long deceased mother would call him stupid when he was a boy. Shaneequa and I did the appropriate clucking and cooing and being sorry for him. Then we went to have breakfast before work. When the waitress asked if we were ready to order Shaneequa relied, "I am, how about you, stupid?" Love her.
This is why Bubba should hate me. I introduced him to his second wife who happened to be certifiably nuts. I set them up on their first date and things were great. Then they were not. I introduced Crazy Lady to another guy at work and they dated a little. I didn't know she was crazy. Neither did Bubba. He didn't want to date her. He didn't want her to date anyone else. How very man. Bubba quit speaking to me. I asked him what his problem was, not quite that nicely, and he whined about never finding the right woman and it could have been "her" but now she was dating someone else I introduced her to. I had no business interfering. Excuse me? "You DON'T want to date her, just have her hang around until you what? Find that 24 year old stripper. Keep her as a "just in case" girl?" Yeah, don't hold your breath. "You know, we women just don't do that any more, most of you aren't worth it".
Well, they got married and were happy for about 15 minutes. Quick divorce. Then Bubba would speak to me again. That probably wouldn't last long. One lunch hour and a half or two, Bubba and I went for a drive in his car that he couldn't quite afford. He started his lament. "Why can't I find a young, beautiful woman who worships the ground I walk on and thinks I hung the moon?" "I want someone like her". he said pointing to a billboard.
OH THANK YOU GOD! YOU JUST MADE ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS I WILL SAVOUR FOREVER. The woman on the billboard was Golden Girl. Ruby's daughter, now a model for a major nation wide brewer. OH BOY! "You want me to call her?", I asked. "I know her. Known her since she was a little girl. I will be happy to call and see if she is tired of dating men with money, actors and the handsome straight models. If so, I will tell her about YOU. Fortyish, almost able to pay his bills, can almost see his feet when he stands up and should have hair for a few more years". "You don't know her", he said. "Yes, I do. She is like my niece. I will call her mom right now if you want. I think Golden Girl might be in Europe...ahhh, poor thing". "Really?", he said. "You would call her about me?"
This is where I told Bubba what, what. "You are such a man. Hell no she wouldn't want to go out with you. You could be her daddy and she would rather vomit that even consider going out with you. LOOK at her. She can pick and choose any man she wants. And she does. And it would NEVER be you. You are too OLD for her, Aqualung. When you get back to your desk, you might want to avoid inhaling the pixie dust that obviously permeates your office".
I know how to win friends and influence people. AND he still likes me.
Shaneequa was my rock. She listened to every sad story about the drinking, the SNORING, the inconsideration. She of course told me I was correct about all things seeing as how she and I are both perfect. It's a burden, but we handle it gracefully.
One weekend the four of us, Elsie, me, Shaneequa and her husband, Grumpy, went to Austin for a weekend at Ruby's house. Elsie and I slept upstairs. Shaneequa and Grumpy had the very comfortable sofa. In the middle of the night I got up, went downstairs, made a pallet and slept on the floor by the sofa. In the morning Shaneequa told me, "you know, I thought maybe you were just being bitchy about the snoring thing. I mean lots of people snore but that noise Elsie makes is not human. It is prehistoric. It is teeth shattering". Yes, and it doesn't go well with insomnia.
Elsie started becoming unreasonable in my opinion. I became the bitch of the world. If he wanted me to work he had to give me a break somewhere. "Please, can we move?" We could move to Arlington close to Kia and your Mom. Your drive would still be after traffic and a straight shot to Ft, Worth". "No, hell no", Elsie said. "My house and I am not moving, why should I? Quit your damn job."
The he decided he would no longer smoke cigarettes at home. He smoked all day. I couldn't smoke at work, I smoked at home. He started complaining that it was nasty. My cigarettes smelled bad. Would I please stop? No
Then it started becoming the norm on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning he and I would pass in the hall as he was coming home and I was going to work. Wednesday was his day off so Tuesdays were party til dawn nights.
One Tuesday night he made the mistake of calling, repeatedly, to tell me he would be home soon. Bad plan. By the end of that night-morning I would ruin my marriage and alienate all of Elsie's friends.
Revorce, here we go again.
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