Early Saturday morning I got my pre-op shot. The one that is supposed to put you in twilight sleep, NOT WORKING. Wide awake when they took me to the bowels of the hospital and put me in the "holding spot", next to the guy with the eye injury. I told every human I heard or saw that I was wide awake here. Real awake, please do not take me into the operating room while I am still awake. PLEASE DON'T DO THAT. They did.
The O.R. looked like it was built in another century. Primitive and sterile and deadly. The huge lights above the table shined on me. I was finally a star. Yay. The anesthesiologist walked up to the table. "I am awake", I almost pleaded. "I will take care of that for you", he said. "Don't kill me, OK?". That's the last thing I remember.
I woke up and looked at the clock directly across from the bed. 11:45, of course. 45, couldn't have been 43. I asked out loud. "Is that a.m. or p.m.?" A nurse appeared at my bed. "They just brought you in here, you shouldn't be awake. Can you move your legs?" "CAN I MOVE MY LEGS????" What kind of question was that? What on earth had they done to me? She smiled. "I want to see if that part of you anesthesia has worn off, move your legs, please?" Legs moved. Whew. I felt my stomach. There was a huge, huge bandage there. That seemed wrong. Soon the doctor, my parents and a minister appeared at my bed. "It's real bad?" I asked. The doctor explained they had found some things they had not expected. Edometreiosis was so bad they had removed my entire reproductive system. "You will be experiencing menopause soon. We can't give you hormone therapy because of the cancer BUT you are lucky because no chemo". The nurse chimed in, "and your skin should clear up". I am feeling so lucky. Much like someone whose dreams have just been crushed plus I get to have hot flashes, at 28. Yes, lucky is just what I felt. The doctor was yapping at my parents about all the biopsies that would have to be returned but since they removed everything and scrapped my intestines and removed my appendix, I should be fine. FINE? Please don't accidentally cut off your penis.
Demerol was my friend for many days. People visited. I slurred at them. Sunshine came to visit and fainted in my room. I remember that. The next thing I remember was waking up and seeing a tiny animal walk under the door. Like I said, Demerol was my friend. Then a nurse came in and looked around. "You looking for a mouse?" I asked her. "Ummm, yes", she said. "It's in here, I saw it."
That night Zelda came to visit. The mouse showed itself and she stepped on it. I called for the nurse. "Just have her stand on it til maintenance comes up". "Mam", I said. "Will I be charged for having a pet in my room?" No one has a sense of humor.
Soon Miss Manners was to be back in the room, after her surgery. She had been in some unit ICU or CCU or Bigot BU or something. I asked the nurse, one I really liked, what kind of treatment she would be having. I didn't want anymore vomit. "She will have to have her catheter changed every day and her surgical wrappings replaced". She said. "Who does that?" I asked. "Well, that depends". "Can you find a black man to do that for her?" I asked. The nurse seemed puzzled. "Trust me", I said. "I'll see what I can do." she replied.
EVIL had filled my empty womb. Miss Manners was going to learn some manners and I would learn that I was even meaner than that.
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