My life became a dream. Paul was here and I finally had a purpose. I was going to make him happy forever. My father was not at all happy about this relationship. He would communicate through my mother that Paul was too old and too experienced for me. Mother on the other hand totally understood my "crush" as she called it. I believe she was almost as impressed with Paul as I was. Mainly she was relieved that I finally seemed happy. I wasn't sullen all the time. I was walking on air and mother didn't have to contend with my youthful surliness.
Paul and I had a routine of sorts. We always watched Laugh-In, The Smother's Brothers and Mission Impossible at my house. Dad never said a word just sat and read the Time or Life magazine. Occasionally I would notice him looking toward heaven. I telepathically picked up his prayer, "Heavenly Father, please shut down my daughter's reproductive system." After TV it was time in the living room with our favorite albums and of course necking. Now that I had discovered this deep soul kissing thing, I wanted to be engaged in it constantly. Paul was a college man and soon necking and petting as it was called then was part of the routine. I figured I was safe as long as I didn't have sex and get marked with the sign of the Beast.
I loved this man more than life. I started to understand how love could make you do stupid things. I related to Bonnie Parker loving her Clyde Barrow so much she was foolish enough to rob banks. But she did get to die with him. That seemed romantic. My newly found gift of bull shit came in handy now. I could think of reasons for Paul and I to be alone without the parents knowing from time to time. I waited to hear the words, "I love you". I was dying to say it out loud. Proud and open and honest but I wasn't saying it first. Finally it happened. We were alone one afternoon engaged in our limited passion when he said the words. "I love you", I LOVE you too". Bliss. "I love you too much", he said, "it almost scares me". BONUS! He love me too much. He cannot believe how much he loves me!
I started planning now. Life all made sense. We could get engaged for my 16th birthday, it was just over a month away. He could go to TCU and graduate about the same time I graduated from high school. We would have the world's greatest wedding. I planned the wedding over and over. Then we would have our first two children. Paul Dylan and Robin Elizabeth. I was going to be the best mother since Mary. My children were never going to hear about what they could not do. I was going to be that annoying, doting mother who constantly reassured her children that they were wonderful and special and gifted.
And Paul, well he was already perfect. He would be the best dad. Thank you, God, I have stepped from mass confusion in to the clarity of the light. I know now my destiny. I am beyond blessed.
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