Never fails to stun me. Whatever the person on the other end of the phone is saying. It is about my parents. One or both. They reach a plateau and seem as if they will be there for a while and then, BAM. Things are bad. Things have gone from bad, to worse, to better, to worse, to awful, to too depressing to even discuss. Today is no exception.
Last phone call I had with my parents social worker they were doing well over all. Dad was the Cary Grant of the dementia ward and mom was simply withdrawing more everyday. Mom is confined to a wheel chair or a bed. Dad is still shuffling.
Mom and dad have been married since July 1945. I was born in 1953. The social worker asked me what mom was like without dad. How did she behave during her life when she wasn't in his presence. I had no idea. Not a clue. It has been so long since I saw one parent without the other I think of them as one unit. I cannot imagine one without the other.
While mom is all but a shell, my dad cannot be without her. He has no concept of what is wrong with her. We, we being the doctors, nurses, social workers and family, don't know if this is his dementia or denial or plain stubbornness.
Got the phone call today to let me know things are worse. My dad, the man who could lecture you to death and never hit you, smacked my mom in the face. Twice. Why? She grabbed his arm. Now the question is whether or not my parents can stay together. They have been together since 1945 how can they not be together? How can I separate them?
I may have no choice since dad is now considered a danger. This isn't his first violent outburst in the dementia ward. He has knocked out windows with his fists and hit another patient prior to this last incident.
If I have to move mom to a new room, that is an additional 35 hundred dollars a month for her room. That brings their basic needs to over 10 thousand dollars a month. You do the math. That is HUGE money. What will she get for that? A bedroom and care. Dad can't have a roommate since he is considered dangerous and the only man on the ward.
Please, learn from all this information. Dementia is cruel and more expensive than you can conceive. Having two parents afflicted and who have longevity in their genes, one of my parents could outlive me. Then I don't know what would happen to them.
Talk to your parents if they are still living. Find out what they want in the event they become your children. If your parents are not living I am sorry for your loss.
I also envy you every day.
LBB
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